Note to Self: Don't Cut Cat's Throat

Right before we're leaving for the coast for the weekend I decide our Maine Coon Puss, Pru, needs a good brushing. It's still cold here so she's still got this huge winter coat. The cat's like a big fluffy Opossum. It's embarrassing.  She's a sweet cat so she doesn't make much of a fuss, even when she's got knots the size of avocados hanging off her pelt. These things are massive so there's no way to brush her out so I grab the scissors. Mistake. I get a little close to a knot on her neck and she does a tiny squeal. Damn. I try to take a look at her but now she wants nothing to do with me. I'm chasing her around the house now, apologizing, talking sweetly, "I was only trying to help honey, come here, let me look at it wumbums..." Total idiot. So I pin her down and she's not bleeding, she seems fine. We were going to leave her in the house all weekend anyway so, ya know I figure there's no use telling my wife and worrying her for the whole weekend, or worse, she might not want to go at all and then we won't go to the beach. So, I let it go and Ike and I pick up my wife at work and the family heads to the beach.

On the way back, as we're driving over the Freemont bridge, I let her know what happened and she's appalled. "You mean you knew about this the whole weekend and never told me?" She thinks I'm some sort of sickie 'cause I didn't tell her. And this is exactly the reason I didn't tell her because she was all worried and even more so when we got home. "Take her to the vet!" she says. "She's fine!" I say. "Look at her!" But then I look at the wound on her and it does look a little nasty. Seeing dollar signs with wings taking flight I take Pru to the vet. I tell the doctor what happened, she looks at me askew and hustles the cat into some stitches immediately.Five of 'em. $50.00 mistake. Even after I apologize up and down she still thinks I'm kitty serial killer: She says one more millimeter and you would have cut her jugular. I said "Hey, but another millimeter the other way we wouldn't be standing here huh?"

I'm an optimist when it comes to animal injury.

Pru's on my lap right now as I write this. Purring. Unconditional love.

Bad Daddy was only trying to help... right Pru? Riiiight.